I’m currently sat in the coffee shop, a place I used to work regularly before covid hit the world. Pre-covid, I would walk in, find a seat and work away without a thought. When I decided to work here today.. I actually lost a bit of sleep. Will my table be free? What if I walk in and it’s too busy? Will I get a table with a plug? Will I *god forbid* catch covid? I contemplated not coming this morning.. “it’s too late now, it will be busy”, but the force of feeling like I actually needed to leave the house and get some fresh air won, and here I am. I guess today I realised I’m in a weird post-covid funk and I think it stole my confidence with it.
Like a typical Cancer starsign, I’m naturally a home body. I love being at home and relish in my own company. I could easily live on an island with no one else and survive (maybe with a ball with a face painted on it eventually.. if shipwrecked) So whilst covid was a scary time.. I enjoyed the time spent at home – and pandemic aside – being told I couldn’t leave my own four walls was actually quite.. nice?
So when the world started to open up again and we were expected to just fall back into place of going out, being social and living life as if nothing had ever changed.. I struggled, and I still am a bit. The prospect of leaving my safe home is too much at times.. but at the same time, I also sit at home and yearn to be the 2019 Laura who wouldn’t worry about a busy diary too much. I feel like the world (and me) has changed and I wonder if it will change back with time too. My online voice is floating around the abyss – do I have anything to say anymore? Does anyone else feels this way?
I guess it didn’t help that when the “world opened it’s doors” we started our first round of IVF (more on that another time) so for me.. I’m only just getting back into normality, in April 2022!
To make this post seem less like a dramatic diary entry.. I will say that the real reason for writing this is for anyone else out there who might feel the same. I guess we’re not alone in this? Covid is a pandemic.. something none of us have ever lived through before and it’s bound to take it’s toll. Not only that, but when life started up again.. we began to face so many other issues in the world – the terrible war in Ukraine, prices of everything in the UK rising.. It’s all a lot, and if you’re feeling it, I’m with you – I’m feeling the strain too.
But we’re here, and we can do this.