Growing Out Of Alcohol

Recently when I left a party at 10pm, sober. I drove myself home, put on my warm PJ’s (because HELL YES I had left them on the radiator, awaiting my return) and I got some of my mundane jobs done – washed my makeup brushes, did some blog admin, tidied my office. I went to bed at 11.30pm and to be honest, it was a pretty great night.

The thing is, I always thought you had to be a party animal. Having fun, getting drunk, partying until 4am made you cool, attractive, gave me the type of confidence I always lacked… it makes people want to befriend you, right? And sure enough, there was a time in my past when I may have frowned upon the person choosing to leave the party early, the person only drinking diet coke because they don’t like hangovers. I would never make time for the sober person once I was tipsy, it just wouldn’t work.

And now? It’s me.

It’s a shame it took me almost 12 years and a lot of hangovers to realise that I don’t always enjoy being drunk. Looking back, I had some amazing drunken times and I’m sure in the future I will again (I’m definitely not saying never) I just think the key here is, you have to be feeling it. I would get drunk whether I was happy, sad, emotional, tired, hungry, you name it. If there was a party, alcohol and no reason to worry about the next day I’d be at the front of the bar queue ordering a large white wine spritzer with a smile on my face.

But recently I realised I sometimes use these drinking occasions as an excuse to just get a bit drunk and forget about life for a bit. Whilst for the ‘happy me’ this usually works out fine, unfortunately for the ‘sad, emotional me’, not so much. I’m learning to see the difference in wanting to drink to have fun and enjoy myself, to wanting to drink to mask my feelings and gain confidence in a situation I don’t feel totally comfortable in.

I’m not saying I’m never drinking again and that I hate alcohol. I love a nice Sunday evening Rose and of course, a big drunken party with lots of drinking and a kebab on the way home. What I’m saying here is that if I don’t feel like I want a drink, I’ll be ordering a lemonade instead. It doesn’t make me a party pooper, uncool, boring.. it just makes me confident enough in myself to say nah, not tonight. It’s nice to know I don’t have to be the party animal to be a cool person and to be honest, it feels quite empowering.