Journey To My Husband – Part One

The Curse Of The Heart-throb

I was shy. So, very shy. I practised kissing on my pillow but still ran quite a distance whenever my high-school boyfriend came near me with a crowd for a “snog”, or even just to talk because actually we didn’t speak to each other at all. I then got labeled with that nice word boys at school like to call the ‘quiet girls’, aka.. FRIGID. Something I was made to feel ashamed of at the time but lord knows if I have a daughter one day, I’d be damn proud of the frigid name tag (and also relieved!) So whilst hiding from boys, of course I dreamt of the day I would find my Prince Charming but little did I know it would take me on quite a journey. Who knew you could come across so many, well, prats in one lifetime? So, here we go. The journey to my Husband.. and if you’re an ex/old date, I’d recommend clicking the exit ‘X’ button up there.. ironically enough.

So, that’s pretty much how I spent my school years, running from boys and watching Spongebob Square Pants – probably sat in my pants.

Prom. Something we didn’t really “do” in the UK when I was at School, but my year was the first – a test if you will. So at the time, I had this crush. I used to change my walk to my English lesson just to walk past him because sometimes he would say ‘hi’.  Then AOL Messenger happened and we chatted over a mutual love for Jimmy Eat World. Cut a long story short, let’s just say that even though I bagged my dream date for the Prom, by the time the day rolled around I had massively gone off him. So much so, I couldn’t bare to look at him. This meant I spent most of the evening hiding in the toilets whenever a slow song came on. I basically spent my Prom looking at the back of the toilet door branded “CLARE WOZ ERE I.D.S.T” drinking vodka from a Dr Pepper bottle (I say vodka, but it was more than likely water, because I was that gullible) and yeah I’ll admit, it wasn’t quite as magical as I had imagined but I did get to wear a really pretty dress, so there’s that. Sure enough, I didn’t speak to him much after that, not that I really did before hand either.

Fast forward various high school crushes, a few of those dreaded ‘snogs’ (aided by alcohol) I landed my first real, actual boyfriend. He was older than me, into rock music and wore his jeans real low – he even had a very little…. car (oh you dirty lot, what else did you think I was going to say!?) We had shared friends which made the whole hanging out together thing really easy and we spent a lot of time drinking various cheap branded cider or chatting on MSN Messenger. I basically got sucked in by the ‘theme’ of this guy rather than the substance but then, isn’t that what being 17 is all about?

Then, like most boys of that age once it had been a while he found someone he liked better and I kinda just decided that was that (because hey, I’m not stupid) I’ll admit that inside I thought he might at least beg for me back (because y’know.. movies) but instead I walked home in the dark and sobbed to myself and then to my Mum, a lot. In terms of heartbreak at the time – I was a broken lady. I got a cold, my nose swelled (seriously, I don’t know why or how but heartbreak made my nose double in size) and even shopping couldn’t cheer me up (SAY WHAT?!) The world seemed grey. My Mum brought me a card and filled it with reasons why she loved me (I have memories of it being a deep sympathy card, but I think that’s more how I thought of it..) and even though looking back it seems so very dramatic, I remember reading it and crying into my McDonalds fries in the back of the car on one of our ‘in vehicle family picnics’ and it was the worst McDonalds I’d ever had.

*lol*

Then, my Dad brought me some pro photography lighting (which I STILL use for my videos today..) and I took some photos of myself, got a perm (YES A FRICKING PERM) and hell, I was a new woman. I read a break-up book (this one because it’s actually great!!) I listened to a lot of Lily Allen, I had these camera skills, curly hair and luckily my swollen heartbreak nose didn’t stay forever. I even landed a job as a Fashion Photographer’s Assistant and felt really great about life. I kinda liked being a single woman (aka teenager) It was in this moment I realised I didn’t need any man…